April Fools | 01
Joke's on me for putting this off for so long. In this post: Editing backwards, cultural bereavement, and pony poo
Hello, internet! I appreciate your curiosity in my silly little life. Whether you’re a fellow photographer, passing acquaintance, or long time friend - welcome to this little haven where I will be sharing life updates, work, and general musings.
This newsletter has had about 17 false starts. I’d sit down to write, then overthink what and how I wanted to post, walk away, spiral about how the best time to start the damn thing had passed, and then rinse and repeat. So here we are, four months into the new year.
Work has been steady, and I’m grateful for the editors who keep calling. Here are a few clips from this season:
At the same time creatively, I’ve felt a bit off-kilter. The part of my brain checking off boxes of what I “need to get” on an assignment has really been battling the part of my brain that has fun and finds the “Sophie photo.” I’ve found myself dreading to go through takes, though I’ve discovered I enjoy editing backwards for some reason. It’s like, I know how the assignment went chronologically, but going through my images from end to beginning is like reliving a fresher, slightly different experience. With that said, I had fun experimenting while photographing the talented violinist Hilary Hahn for the New York Times. Editor Jacob Moscovitch encouraged me to get weird and artful. I ended up really liking the photos in black & white.
One goal I have for this year is to be more intentional with my work, whether that’s researching and pitching more stories or pursuing personal projects that are interesting to me. I’m finding that the challenge is getting that kind of work to the top of my priority list, which is hard to do when I have other, more time sensitive tasks at hand, like making a deadline or submitting invoices or procrastinating by doom scrolling on TikTok. While putting this newsletter together, I’ve been revisiting photos I made of my grandparents while traveling with them to Korea last year. They immigrated to the US nearly fifty years ago and try to return to Korea when they can. But with their age and declining health, it’s unclear of how many of those trips we have left.
A highlight of the trip was visiting the village where my grandmother Hansung grew up in Andong. The village, known as Hahoe (pronounced hah-weh), is now a protected UNESCO heritage site and tourist attraction. As someone who moved around a fair bit growing up, something I’m still wrapping my head around is the fact that my grandmother’s family and her ancestors have lived along the Nakdong River in Hahoe for 600 years - we ended up unexpectedly reuniting with extended family members on our visit.
Fun fact: scenes from Apple TV’s “Pachinko,” (the adaptation of Min Jin Lee’s book) were filmed in front of my grandmother’s childhood home.
While we were there, the New York Times published a story by reporter Alisha Haridasani Gupta on the concept of cultural bereavement, a kind of mourning of one’s cultural identity often experienced by refugees and migrants. I had never heard of this term before, but it put a name to that feeling I got when, on our trip, my grandmother told me she didn’t want to return to America, she wanted to stay in Korea. Or the feeling I get when I think about all the pieces of themselves and my family history that my grandparents will take to the grave if I don’t spend enough time with them.
I suppose these are the big feelings that compel me to photograph my family. When I think about it too hard, I get overwhelmed and throw my hands up. I want whatever I do or make to be perfect. But I also know myself enough to know that if I don’t just “do it,” whatever that may be, I will almost certainly run out of time. So one goal for the coming months is to get a wiggle on with this endeavor.
In the rest of my personal life there have been a handful of curveballs. As some of you know, my partner’s dad suffered a hemorrhagic stroke on Valentine’s Day. It was pretty touch and go for the first month (multiple trips to the ICU on a ventilator, septic shock, drain in the brain, the whole nine yards), and most of our spare time was spent at the hospital. The good news is that he’s finally at rehab working hard to learn how to talk, sit, stand, and (we hope) walk again. The thing you have to know about this guy is that at 75 years young, he has survived a heart transplant, a med evacuation out of Yosemite National Park, getting trampled by a horse, and now this. He’d never say it out loud, but he’s kind of a local legend. I took this photo of him while we were backpacking in Denali National Park last August.
A silver lining in all of this is that I’ve been helping my partner’s mom with barn duties (they have one horse, one pony, two goats and two dogs). So a couple days a week, I get to hang out with some pretty awesome animals and learn a thing or two about homesteading.
I’m happy to report that I’ve become mostly proficient in doing stalls aka searching for and getting rid of horse waste in their shavings. To consolidate the poo, you fling the shavings against the stall wall and let the turds roll to the bottom of the shaving pile. Then you scoop the poo, but try to leave as much of the shavings behind as possible (shavings cost money). Some people who are really good can actually fling and scoop in one fell swoop (I swear that was straight off the dome). I’ve never been so excited to shovel pony poo in my life.
Okay that’s it! Until next time, here's a list of various things that have made me happy recently:
Book: Project Hail Mary by Andy Weir. I laughed. A lot. And cried. If you read this book (or listen to the audio book like I did), there’s a good chance you will too, especially if you a) are a big ‘ole nerd, and b) enjoy sci-fi, or c) just like space. For the record, I listened to this while backpacking last summer, so not recently, but it was so great that it actively takes up real estate in my brain. Consume it in whatever manner you wish!
Song: Tuyo by Rodrigo Amarante (yes, I recently watched Narcos)
Shows: The Last of Us, The Mandalorian, Ted Lasso
Prints from fellow Boston photogs Mel Musto and Billy Hickey
Hobbits as otters by artist Amanda Shae
Wow I love your newsletter !! So much has happened , thanks for sharing. And now I understand where you’ve been, I’ve seen the horse in your pictures. Keep these coming!
Fabulous insight throughout the piece, Sophie. The line below really resonated with me. Thanks for sharing your experiences.
"I want whatever I do or make to be perfect. But I also know myself enough to know that if I don’t just “do it,” whatever that may be, I will almost certainly run out of time."
Wishing the best for Charlie and your family.